I wanna bring you to show and tell
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
