question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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