didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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