omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize