i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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