Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize