i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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