it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
