I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
