he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
