the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Houston, we have a blender
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
