I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sobbing to NWA
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
