I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
