...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize