Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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