Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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