I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
