he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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