Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you will always have a special place in my vag
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
