I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
