So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
