we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
