after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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