This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
