guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize