I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
