it hurts more in the daytime
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
