but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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