I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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