Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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