I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize