all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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