Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
