I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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