after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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