I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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