but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
