I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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