I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
