It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
