you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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