He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
