I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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