Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
