Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize