Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize