to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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