and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
