Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize