Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
