It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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