I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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