I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
