community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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