apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
