Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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