The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
