Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
