I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
