Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
