If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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