i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
