just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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