Sponge bath it is.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
